"You are not who you think you are. You are not who people think you are. You are who you think people think you are." I quote a man, whom name I can't recall.
But I do recall sitting in that Rock Bar. I came there alone, to listen to music, and have a couple of drinks. Meeting new people was just a nice added bonus to the package. And of all the "unusually" dressed people in the bar, there was one guy who "didn't fit in". He was dressed casually, and projected over-confidence, in a way. Not the type of a man on cocaine, but in a way that hides shyness... In a way I know best. He was there with two friends, a guy and a girl, they were clearly a couple. Maybe he came with them just spontaneously,to drink a beer and have a chat, but he wasn't there for the loud music. He was new to Rock Bars. He was so nervous, so afraid of this new environment. Afraid of these "men in black", who as far as he knows from movies and media, are violent and aggressive. But all that happened inside. From the outside, he was big, strong, and very loud. His behavior was funny, and silly in a way. I couldn't take my eyes of that phenomenon. After, a few quick glances, I understood that his fear and defence mechanism, tells him that I'm hostile, and he should deal with my hostility. Let's just say that I wasn't surprised when he stood up from his chair, with his trusty pint of beer in hand, walked around the bar, and asked me if I have a problem with him. which, of course, I didn't. I looked him in the eyes, gave him a warm smile, and answered: "No, not at all. Cheers!" Short after our pints clashed in a friendly sound, he returned to his sit, somewhat relieved and confused at the same time. Of course, I wouldn't know that, if I Haven't kept staring at the poor guy. Which led to the next situation taking place about 15 minutes afterwards: He stands up again, with his 60cc whisky/bourbon +Ice in hand, and this time, he walks to me with a slightly bent back, and shy puppy eyes, and asks me if I will be offended if he asked me a personal question. I answered that I have nothing to hide, and he can ask whatever he wants. And he asks - 'Are you buy any chance attracted to men?', and I answered - 'Not that I know of it. Cheers again!'. He smiled, and asked me to forgive his rudeness, which I stated, was none of, and he walked away.
Two times, in a span of an hour, for a strange man, I was who I imagined he thought I am. And that is amazing!
It's a fact that our brain can barely process any information, while seeing another man's face. Our brain is trying to figure out what does this man in-front of us feels, thinks, experience. You are lucky if that man is not looking at you back. Caus' if he does, he is probably doing the same to you. And this is where it get's tricky. Imagine that. Now imagine, all the people you see (with or without mutual interaction), and furthermore, all those people who see you. Every each and one of us, is living in a small world of personal guesses and assumptions. Every one of us is living in a different world. And if you really think about it, it's the mystery and uncertainty in all, that makes our lives, that makes us so amazing.
You don't have to imagine, you already do.
To some extend, we all believe that each and every one of us, is deprived of something. Why? Simply because our world is so full of options and diversity, we think we can have it all. We know we can't, but deep inside, we know we "need". I think that this is one of the main reasons, humans seek the company of each other. Because everyone of us is "deprived" of something different. One may lack self-confidence, self-control, self-esteem, or self value. Or even simpler things, like material funds, sleep, or a sufficient taste in art. But in the end, we all come looking for each other on smoke breaks at work, bars, and even grocery-store lines. But of course, if one claims to be deprived of a thing he thinks is rightfully he's, he probably must possess, at least, a thing or to to compensate. Say, a man who believes he has a small penis, is more likely to buy a "Hammer" SUV. A man with low self-confidence, will try to compensate with a strong sense of humor. While the man with high self-confidence, won't have one. So... what reasons brings us together? I see two: 1. Fear People with the fear of those, who have these things they lack. They seek-out other people, with the same issues as them, for support. This, of course, makes their opinions towards those who are "not deprived" more radical, and they small, well bonded, hostile extremist groups. 2. Faith As much as I have none of it on words, I think I operate by it, to some extend. And not only me. This group of people, seeks those who have what they, themselves, are "deprived" of. Why? In faith that the other side will share their possessed advantages, while exposing their flaws, for a fair exchange of interaction (Some thing like "Show me yours, I'll show you mine", thing). There is a higher chance of getting hurt, but there is no exposure without risk. If it goes good, on the other side, you come out of in a more round and balanced person. It's nice to be one, for a change.
So, the more perfect you show yourself to be, the less people will want your company. Group 1, will just fear you. Group 2, wouldn't want to open-up, because, you won't.
Perfection, has it's flaws. But flaws, lead to perfection.
Punishments... What is a punishment, anyway? Is it the pain, the suffering, or maybe the regret, that you are expected to go through when going against another man's rights? Is it catharsis of some sort? I think not. It is some sort of a public "back whip lashing", you need to accept to please those, who think that you have done something they didn't like. It's a "raise moral" thing, actually. And it has "God", written all over it. Punishment, is a word that always goes, hand in hand, with God. But picture this: "You, are spending a nice evening with your family, at home. And suddenly, a man, armed with a gun, breaks through the door, and shoots one of your loved ones. He tries to shoot you, but the gun gets jammed, and he panics. A few seconds later, runs in a young cop, that have heard the gunshot. The armed man, swiftly turns to the cop, with his gun aimed at him, but the cop shoots him." So, what do we have? A man, went against the rights of all present, but the cop, and himself. Did the punishment fit the crime? No. It haven't brought your loved-one back to life, nor healed the mental scars of your family and the shocked cop's. So, basically, a lot of people paid a price, for another man's bad decision. That's not fair. And you know what? No matter how many laws we pass, to punish those who do wrong, we will never fix nothing. You can ban guns in your country, but a man who is willing to take the risk of murder, will also make it easier on himself, and get a gun. and this is a hard truth accept. And this is where God comes in, and calms you down, with a big white smile. And he softly says: "I did it". It's easier to take it this way, because god is perfect, and he makes no mistakes. But then again, imagine an 8 year old kid, who lives with his father and his 12 year old sister, because his mother died of an overdose of heroine, when he was 4 years old. He has an abusive father, who one day "snaps" under the pressure, takes a gun, shoots his son in the leg, rapes his daughter, beats her up with a baseball bat, and shoots himself in the head. By the time both kids are found, the wounds get worse, and the doctors, have to amputate the kid's leg, and his sister, will be institutionalized for the rest of her days (but she kills herself, when she hits 20). Does this kid deserved any of this? This time, he has no possible reason to blame himself. For what? He was 8 years old, for Gods sake! What has he done wrong? Is God "testing" him? If he does, what is so special about this kid? Why don't we all get "tested" the same way? and most importantly - ...what is there to say to that kid?
I'm sick. I'm sick of a generation that grew-up on mouse clicks, quick channel changing on the TV set. I'm sick and tired, of a generation that can only precept information in short bursts, flashes, and a short recorded laughter, after an even shorter "pun" joke. I know that, for me, to get along in modern society, I need to trend myself. I been taught that I need to deliver the "punch", and it should be strong, as it should be quick and precisive. But for some reason, I chose to be a man that can not be described by a, somewhat maybe, clever game of words, followed by a strong air-horn noise, that turns to confetti, clapping and laughter. I don't see myself as a sitcom joke. Neither I want to be friends with people that do. It hurts to type these words, it really does. And it hurts even more, that most likely, no-one will probably read this to the end. But it hurts the most, that I know no-one to even listen to these words. Everybody is running around, busy summarizing their lives to short and "meaningful" phrases. Summarizing themselves, into small verbal pills. And when they see that the content is too large to be shrunk this small, they invent a pill most suited for their taste, and try to live up to that, by emptying and decreasing their own value. Those who are not smart enough to make-up a pill of their own, will borrow it from media given sources. Sources like "Reality TV", like Sitcoms, like a Hollywoodian anti-hero protagonist character. Is that what one wants these days? To have the complexity and sophistication, of a man/woman special built to channel it's full moral and intellectual value in the shortest screen time possible? That doesn't feel right to me. I want to communicate with people who could unveil more and more of themselves, with every passing day, and still it won't be enough. People who change and adopt to the world, as it changes and morphs around them. I'm being, always, told that I objectify people. Why shouldn't I? Or even: Should I attach properties a man doesn't have to that man himself, only in sheer hope and belief he does? Hopes, beliefs, expectations... I go for those who aspire not to be contained by short phrases and jokes. I look for those who cannot be contained at all.
If you go to a club, you notice, that everyone there has the same approach of the method of filling empty cavities of the body (sex). If you go to a bar, they'll have different approaches from the clubers, but all will have the same one, in their own "bar-dwelling" circle. I am not saying that it's wrong, hell no! but it is boring. You know why? Because they are all "ready"! Say, it's a Friday night, and you are getting ready to hit the bar. You will dress your best (or as you want people to see you), put on you plastic smile, and straighten your back, after a long working week. Why don't you do it on the bus, on your way to work? Say you are having a conversation on the "facebook" chat or the comment section - You hesitate and rethink possibilities, and make a careful argument or comment. Why don't you do it in everyday conversation? In the club, you try to impress visually, and you did the best you could, therefor, if something goes wrong, it's not your fault. In the bar you try to be funny, charismatic, and interesting. If you ran out of tricks, it's the fault of your conversation partner, that he didn't get the gest. If you are on "facebook", and shit-hits-the-fan, you can bale out of there, like nothing happened. So, basically, people are avoiding taking the blame for their actions, suffering the consequences, and learning a lesson or two in human interaction. But where is it coming from, and why is our generation (Generation X, Y, and forth) is "tits deep" into this shit? This question is bothering me for years! And I guess that this is one of the main reasons, I like to observe people when they are "not ready". When they wake-up in the morning, lost and grumpy. When they get home, tired from work, is a good example (of course, not on the street! On the street, everyone is on he's best behavior). I know all humans have flaws, and I love some of them, just for that. But in a club, a bar, or on "facebook", everyone is either perfect, or makes-up flaws of hes choice. Everyone is inhuman... It's sad how all of us want to be loved, but in reality, we do things that make people around us confused, and scared. I'm only 23, but I know that fear and confusion, never bring you any closer to the "happy ending". You need truth and tolerance, patience and forgiving. You need to know how to confess you mistakes, let others help you, and do the same for them. So, back to the question - Where did we fuck-up the whole thing? Let's take this apart, to boys, and girls: I'll start with what is closest to me, boys. Boys As I grew-up, and until this day, things haven't changed much. Hours of my day are devoted to video-games, and movies. Both of which, usually revolve around action and comedy. I know that movies and games are not a real overview of how human interaction is suppose to work. But on the other hand, I don't know what is. In games and movies, the character i'm suppose identify myself with, is usually too busy shooting guns, and yelling catch-phrases, that the only interaction he has with the girl, by the end of the plot, goes like this: Boy: I'm sorry blah blah blah. But I blah blah blah. I hope you'll be able to forgive me. Girl: I understand why you had no time for me, and I forgive you. You had to be a hero, humanity needed you. *SEX* ...and they lived happily ever after. The End But in reality, I'm no hero, and I didn't save that girl from the firing maw of a dragon (and even if I did, that doesn't make her emotionally obligated to me, forever and ever). And because drama is rare to find in famous movies, and further, in games. I, as a 23 year old male, have trouble comprehending a steady relationship, or intimacy. I can't blame holywood, for fucking-up my perception of interaction, but I can't blame myself. I mean - I was a kid back then, I had no interest in romance and shit of that sort. Had a lot of time on my hands, and an easily accessible, industrial media all around me, which the sole purpose of it, is to kill time, and make me buy pokemon cards. So, if censorship is illegal, I can only put the blame on the authorities, which were responsible of me, at that age - teachers, and parents. They both had their reasons, but it's not an excuse. Tho, blaming the teachers, is wrong, too, because they've interacted with us, at school. At school we weren't exposed to this media at all. In fact, schools motivate socializing. Thus, the blame is on the parents, who bring children to this world, only due to their sense of obligation to human reproduction, without care for the result (not all parents). We are basically, an "experimental generation, went wrong". And next generations, won't have the same problems, like we have. Because, with time, we are slowly learning to hate those things which fucked-us-up. That's it, for the boys. Girls I never were a girl, but I'm sure I can't blame games and movies here. In-fact, the social dysfunction on the female side, is different. So I need to start this but analyzing the problem, first: It seems that girls, see us boys, as mystical hairy creatures, who need to fulfill certain roles. The bar is set to high. Why is that? 1. Fathers, usually see their daughters, as defenseless little creatures, that when are grown-up, couldn't, logically, tell right from wrong. And there-for, try to act "perfect", as to set an example of "how a man is suppose to behave". When these girls grow-up, and see the boys behaving, as mentioned above (not like their fathers), they get confused, because we all look like bags of stereotypical shit. Again, blame on the parents. 2. Not like boys, who are taught to get their shit together, and do the best they can, girls are taught to compete with other girls. They see each-other as rivals. Boys are taught to study, and get a nice job. To look their best, to radiate confidence. On the other hand, girls are taught to study, so they could be smart, and impress boys, and to look pretty to get the BEST boys. So, if I were a girl, I'd basically had a reliable friend or two, a hypothetical dream prince that one day will show-up, and a whole lot of enemies! That's a confusing world to live in. And again, the blame is on the parents, who chose not to adopt to the increasingly fast moving progress, and go "old-school" over their daughters. This is as much as I know about girls (not much), and these are the best conclusions I can come-up with, right now. So... Have a nice day, and blame your parents!
Over then a year, since I last posted here. I could make excuses, but I better start-off, and conserve some brain-cells and time. Today, I have 2 things on my mind: One is - "Goals, Hopes and expectations". The other, is - "Satisfaction". 1. Goals, Hopes & Expectations These words don't sound the same, and even mean different things, I don't know why people keep confusing them, one for the other. Goals Things you want AND thriving to do, or achieve. It can be only applied on personal interests, and the success or realization of them, can be effected by ones actions. Hopes Outlines, or specific aspects of a matter, wished, based on ones background, teachings and beliefs. Has nothing to do with, calculating chances or the aspect of reality. Only, ones grasp of reality. Expectations Outlines, or specific aspects of a matter that is about to happen, as described as the most possible outcome of things, by ones perception, of a given amount of information, affected by ones knowledge, and experience of the given subject, or situation. Why people keep messing that up? These three barely have anything in-common, and can be applied on totally different things. It's like saying: "I don't believe in God", It's incorrect, and made-up by religious people, looking from a static point of view, that there is a God. Let me explain. For example: I, Vitaly Bogdanov, don't believe in human-virtue. I don't state that there is none, but I do state, that I don't rely on it's existence. Therefor, the proper term for an atheist to use is: "I find the claim of existence of God, false and misleading" But back to the topic. Many people these days, are verbally scolding me, for my opinions and stated arguments. I don't get it! If I don't say or do whatever you expect of me, then I'm wrong? If these are expectations, then you don't know me, and you should leave the conversation with respect (and earn my respect, by doing so), or shove them up-yours. If these are goals, and by goals, I mean "an attempt to change me to your liking", then go grab a stick, walk to the forest, and hit the first bear you see, as hard as you can (to make it fair, find a bear of your own size). He won't be in a rush to learn, or accept your ways of wisdom. He will fight back. If hopes, are speaking, know this:
Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
2. Satisfaction Satisfaction, is the feeling you have, after achieving a thing you wanted to, or needed to. It also happens to be the feeling when you get "a thing of your back. Got it right? So, I was following a web page for a while now. It was funny, had a lot of jokes, and cool discussions. It's not easy to keep a page like that "alive", by a single person, but that "singe person", handled it well. Lately, he has attracted a huge fan-base, and as we all know, most people, are dumb, and easy to satisfy. And that's what he did, baited by stupid pricks, and 17 year-old girls, with hes name written on their jail-bait breasts, and started slacking. I left the page, and had an argument with him, about the crap that he came to post lately, and that he had nothing original, for a long time. The argument that he threw at me, was "There is no profit, in wasting time, and working on OC (Original content)". WTF? My friends don't pay me money for my company, and neither suck my dick, for it. Why do I enjoy having a regular, intelligent interaction, with a smaller group of people? Then, when I thought it through, I understood that satisfaction, can be measured by everything, as long as it has a moral price-tag attached to it, by the one satisfied. So basically, if I think of it, I confused my expectation, with goals, but I didn't. Because, instead of smacking the guy with the mighty stick of "ME", I explained to him my opinion on the matter, and showed examples. About a minute after that, I was notified, that he commented back, but when I tried to access the link, the conversation was already deleted by him. So... Goals: Talk some sense in to hes thick skull. Expectations: A lively argument, between two people. Hopes: None. Already left the page. Results: I don't know, but I think none. A guilty dog today, if a casual dog tomorrow.
